We have already covered what steps that need to be taken in order to conduct your future business privately, out of the prying eyes of your soon to be ex-wife and her divorce attorney. You’ve got the new mailing address, new e-mail address, and a safe place to store your hard copies of everything. Now is the time to start separating yourself financially. The cost of the divorce will be bad enough…you do not want to find yourself in some sort of financial crisis because you left yourself vulnerable. These things can be done fairly easily, but the headaches that they could cause if they aren’t taken care of could be astronomical. The sad thing is that you would have nobody else to blame but yourself.
So read each step carefully, and consider putting them into practice as soon as possible:
1) Close any joint credit card accounts immediately. You do not want to find out later that your wife paid her divorce attorney’s retainer with a credit card that you are both responsible for. Think of it… what if you get off scott-free and do not have to pay any of your wife’s legal fees (believe me they will try), but you find out that she used your joint credit card to pay for them in the first place. Now with the debt likely to be split 50/50 you have to pay half her legal fees by default. This is just one example, as she could simply go on one last shopping spree knowing that you will have to pay for at least half of it in the end. It is just a safety precaution that every man going through a divorce should consider.
If there happens to be a credit card account under your name, and she is an authorized user, by all means have her “unauthorized” immediately. But do not close that account. You will need a credit card account or two to help with your expenses and/or any emergencies. If you do not have your own account once you close out the joint accounts, then be sure and open one up. You never know when it might come in handy, and you can trust me when I say that it will be a lot tougher to get a new account once you are officially divorced. You are going to need a way to start building your credit up again and a new credit card account is a good way to start.
2) Open a new checking and/or savings account in your name only. Some of you may already have one, but for those that don’t make sure to do it immediately. You are going to need to keep your finances separate at some point in the divorce, so why not start now. Besides this new account will be crucial for the next couple of steps. And if you want some added security pick a bank or credit union that neither of you have used before. If she doesn’t know where you are banking, it will be hard for her to come up with some scheme in the first place. But just to be even safer, have it noted on your account that your wife (give them her full married and maiden name) is not to have access to this account in anyway. That way they can be on alert for all sorts of possibilities, the most common being when she finds your checkbook and tries to write herself a check while forging your name. She has probably forged your name before, in fact you may have asked her to, but now is not the time for her to start practicing your signature again.
3) Re-route any direct deposits into your new bank account. This is just simply the practical thing to do. If your paycheck gets direct deposited, then make sure that gets changed first. This by no way means that you should stop paying any bills that you would normally. It is just a way to make sure that she cannot get her hands on any extra money and use it as she pleases. There is a very good chance that this will piss her off, but just remind her that this is what comes with a divorce and that you are still going to cover all the expenses that you have been… just out of another account that she doesn’t have access to. If she usually handles all the bills, then just find out what needs to go where. Eventually, you will have to be taking care of all your own bills anyway, so there is no better reason to start now.
4) Optional, but recommended… Withdrawal exactly 50% of the funds in a joint account and deposit it into your new account. Now this may be considered a little sneaky, and you may be questioned (by the judge) as to why you did this. But I consider this as being proactive. Let’s say that you leave all the money in the joint account and someday you find that it has been completely cleared out by your wife. Your are still entitled to 50% of this money, and with the right financial records it will be awarded back to you during the actual divorce. But at that point, you are at the mercy of your new ex-wife as to when she will be able to get the money together to pay you back… if she ever does. She will likely test your determination at first, and you will be forced to spend extra money in legal fees to file contempt charges, having the courts pressure her into paying you back that money. In the end there is no way of knowing how long that will take.
How much simpler would it have been if you would have just transferred that 50% into your new account months earlier? This can be done safely. It’s just very important that you keep excellent financial records. You need to have the definitive evidence that you transferred only 50% or less. If there is just the least bit of question, make sure you always error on the lower side, which means it is always better to transfer say 48% than it is to transfer 51%. If you are not confident in your financial records enough to back your actions up in court, by all means don’t do it. If you have great records and are still skeptical, by all means consult with a divorce attorney first. But now is the time to start protecting yourself, your kids, and your future, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Important Note: If there are any non-marital funds in the joint account (ie. money that she inherited or funds that she had saved prior to you getting married) be sure not to include that in calculating the 50%. You are not entitled to money that will not be considered as marital, and if you make such a mistake, I promise that her divorce attorney will try and make you out to be a money-hungry thief. This is definitely not worth risking, so remember to always error on the low side.
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If my spouse does not want to sign the divorce papers, what is the next step?
Hello Daniel – All that really matters in the divorce process is that she be served with the papers. The only benefit that you have from her signing the divorce papers is that the process could possible go a lot quicker. Consider these 2 things before getting upset about her not wanting to sign…
1) No judge will force a husband and wife to stay together when one of the parties involved certainly knows that they no longer want to feel trapped in a marriage that just isn’t working. The key is to make sure that you get all your ducks in a row and cooperate fully with what the judge orders.
2) Having your wife not sign the divorce papers or show up for any hearings can actually work in your favor. Divorce is often just a drawn out negotiation where the two parties need to come to some agreement. But what happens when one of those parties or not present to reject your “proposal”. Well then that “proposal” is accepted by default and a whole lot of bickering over the furniture of the marital debt never takes place.
Go ahead and get your divorce going. Speak to a divorce attorney. They will surely know how to handle a divorce when only one party (you) is actually participating in the whole process. But remember, this can only move forward if she is officially served with the divorce papers. If that hasn’t happened yet, then do everything you can to assist in completing that step.
And Finally, here is my disclaimer…
” I am not an attorney nor have I had any professional training in the field of law. So obviously I cannot give you legal advice concerning a divorce, marriage separation, and/or child custody; however, I do have my own personal experience and a strong understanding of how the system works so I can offer my opinions on your situation…”
Good stuff thnx
if she opens credit card in her name only before any legal action am I responsible for these balances?
my wife pretended to be loving me and convinced me that we shud build a houz after I bout materials to the value of about 150 Gs, I found out that all along she had be seing this other guy and that she conived with her long divorced sister to corn me like this, I tryed confronting her with the aim of fixing things since we have a kid bt she is not interested instead she wants a divorce so we can share all this if she doesnt win it all and I will have to continue maintaining her, can i stop this>?
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